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> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 02, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
> Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
> important holiday, which often coincides with
> Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> However, from now on
> we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
> applies to any other employees who are not Christians
> or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There
> will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.
> We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
> Patty
>
>
>
>
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 03, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of
> Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table
> ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
> accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
> table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't
> be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
> this?
>
> Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are
> allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is
> too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a
> little chintzy.
>
> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> To: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 04, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
> December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan,
> which forbids eating and drinking during daylight
> hours. There goes the party!
>
> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
> time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
> employees' beliefs.
>
> Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
> meal until the end of the party - - or else package
> everything for you to take it home in little foil
> doggy bag.
>
> Will that work?
> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
> Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
> pregnant women will get the table closest to the
> restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
> Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men,
> each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
> flower arrangement forthe Gay men's table. To the
> person asking permission to cross dress, no
> cross-dressing allowed.
>
> We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat
> food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
> control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
> people with high blood pressure to taste first. There
> will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the
> restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>
> Patty
>
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All F&@king Employees
>
> DATE: October 05, 2003
>
> RE: The [email protected]*king Holiday Party
>
>
> Vegetarian [email protected]!! I've had it with you people!!!
> We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
> whether you like it or not, so you can just sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of
> death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your
> [email protected] salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
> know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when
> you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
> them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten
> holiday! Drive drunk and die,
>
> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
>
> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>
> DATE: October 06, 2003
>
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis
> a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your
> cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided
> to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
> afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
>
> Happy Holidays!
>
 
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