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* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair
but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the
whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!


* The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis
enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.


* Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals
started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my
wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10thanniversary.


* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is
having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.


* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The
operator says, "How do you know?" The man says"The sex is about the
same, but the ironing is piling up!"


* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die
you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She
said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously
haven't been listening."


* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to
prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of
her clothes back.


* The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we
could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan I said we'd love to, but
our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
 
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