Dear Santa ...........

> If Santa answered his mail honestly...
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa
> > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer
> > Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
> > Yer Frend, BiLLy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your
> > way to a career in lawn care. How about
> > I send you a fucking book so you can learn to
> > read and write? I'm giving your older brother
> > the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and
> > the only thing I ask for is peace and
> > joy in the world for everybody!
> > Love, Sarah
> >
> > Dear Sarah,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had
> > you, didn't they? Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > I don't know if you can do this, but
> > for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> > and daddy to get back together. Please
> > see what you can do.
> > Love, Teddy
> >
> > Dear Teddy,
> > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter
> > like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you
> > think he's gonna give that up to come
> > back to your frigid mom, who rides his
> > ass constantly? It's time to give up that
> > dream. Let me get you some nice Legos
> > instead.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train,
> > some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony
> > and a tuba.
> > Love, Francis
> >
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
> > I bet you're gay.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,
> > and I left carrots for your reindeer outside
> > the back door.
> > Love, Susan
> >
> > Dear Susan,
> > Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the
> > deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh.
> > You want to do me a favour? Leave me a
> > bottle of scotch.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days of the
> > year? Are you busy making toys?
> > Your friend, Thomas
> >
> > Dear Thomas,
> > All the toys are made in China. I have a condo
> > in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making
> > low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
> > myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
> > waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
> > Hey, you wanted to know.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you
> > really know when we're awake, like in the
> > song?
> > Love, Jessica
> >
> > Dear Jessica,
> > Are you really that gullible? Good luck in
> > whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dear Santa,
> > I really really want a puppy this year. Please
> > please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have
> > one?
> > Timmy
> >
> > Timmy,
> > That whiney begging shit may work with your
> > folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.
> > You're getting a sweater again.
> > Santa
> >
> > *
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our house, how
> > do you get into our home?
> > Love, Marky
> >
> > Mark,
> > First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
> > you're getting your ass whipped at school.
> > Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
> > low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside
> > your pad just like all the burglars do, through
> > your bedroom window.
> > Sweet Dreams, Santa