Posted by Sluggo / NY on 2002 AM:
Good Joke...I'm Bored!
A priest took a
sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip, he hooked a monster
fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look
at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your
language is uncalled for!" the priest said. "No, Father,"
replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son of a Bitch
fish!" "Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed
the priest. Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that
is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide. "Yes,
it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest. "What should I do
with it?" asked the priest. "Why eat it, of course," answered
the guide. "You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a
Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his
prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big
Son of a Bitch I caught!" the priest said. Sister Mary gasped and clutched
her rosary. "Father!" "It's OK Sister," said the priest,
"that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh
well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" asked
Sister Mary. "Why, eat it of course," answered the priest. "The
guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch." The Sister
informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that
they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of
a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked
in. "What are you doing, Sister Mary?" asked the Friar. "Father
wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner," replied
Sister Mary. "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your
language!" asked the Friar. "No, no,no. It's called a Son of a Bitch
fish - really!" claimed Sister Mary. "Oh, well in that case, I'll fix
up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" replied
the Friar. "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a
Bitch."
On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had
prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was excellent. The
Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught
the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened
wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!"
exclaimed the sister. The Pope sat silent in disbelief. And the Friar added,
"And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face, and
he said, "You Sons of Bitches are alright!"
Posted by mikeD in NYC on 2002 PM:
cussin cussin cussin
Posted by JOHN G on 2002 PM:
that's a mild version of the one I heard...LOL....so mild in fact that I am moving you to Off topics board Chris! DOHHHHH! JOHN G
Posted by Lieutenant on 2002 AM:
I got one . . .
Story of Jacques la Fluer:
Jacques la Fluer was the greastest fighter pilot in France during WWII. After the war women
threw themselves at him!
One night he takes a blond women home and gets her naked. He takes a bottle
Chardonnay and pours it all over her breasts and starts licking it off. She said
Jacques la Fluer, Jacques la Fluer what's this for!
He said, I'm Jacques la Fluer the greastest fighter pilot France has ever seen,
and when I lick a women's breasts I like a nice white wine!
She said, Jacques you can do anything you want!
The next night he takes a red head home and gets her naked. He pours Merlot all
over her naval and starts licking it off. The red head says Jacques la Fluer,
Jacques la Fluer what's this for!
He said, I'm Jacques la Fluer the greatest fighter pilot france has ever seen, and when I lick a
women's navel, I like a nice red wine!
The red head said, Jacques you can do anything you want!
Next night, he takes home a brunett and get her naked. He takes a bottle of Gran
Marnier and pours it all over her bush . . . then he takes a match and lights
her on fire. She said Jacques la Fluer, Jacques la Fluer what's this for!
He said, I'm Jacques la Fluer the greatest fighter pilot France has ever seen
and when I go down . . . . I go down in flames! 
__________________
"It doesn't get any better than this!"
- Old Milwaukee
Posted by Bass Rat on 2002 PM:
NICE!
__________________
bass,bass,baby!
Posted by Frank J on 2002 PM:
quote:
Originally
posted by Bass Rat
NICE!
Agree!
__________________
Frank Jovine
---------------------------------
> email
- webmaster@nybass.com
> url - www.nybass.com
---------------------------------
Quote: "A
bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work"
---------------------------------
Posted by JOHN G on 2002 PM:
Javelin Jeff....Javelin Jeff......you French Fried nut you!! LOL.....great joke..... JOHN G
Posted by lastcastme on 2002 PM:
A guy is sitting in a bar
in a snow storm.
The only other person in the bar is the bartender,he is down at the other end
of the bar watching the weather reports on T.V..
After a few minutes the bartender walks up to give the guy a refilll.
The guy says to him,What do you think about those goddamm Yankees?
The bartender points to a sign on the wall over the bar that reads.
RULE #1-No Talking About Sports,it causes fights.The bartender walks back to
the other end of the bar and starts watching T.V.again.
A short time later the bartender comes back up to give the guy another refill.
The guy says to him,what do think about that friggin President?
The bartender points to the sign again
and it reads-RULE #2-No Talking About Politics,it causes fights.
The bartender walks back to the other end of the bar and starts watching T.V.again.
A short time later the bartender comes up again to give the guy another refilll.
The guy says,what about that damm Pope?The bartender points to the sign again
it reads,Rule #3-No Talking About Religion.it causes fights.
Finally the guy is pissed off and he speaks up and asks,DO YOU TALK ABOUT
SEX???
The bartender says yes,we talk about sex.
The guy says "GOOD,GO AND F - - K YOURSELF!!!!!!
__________________
------<*(((((><
Fish On !!!!!
Posted by Rob J in WNY on 2002 AM:
__________________
"Have Smallies - will travel!" 
Bass Fishing
in WNY - A Personal View
> email
- RobJinWNY@hotmail.com
Posted by Lieutenant on 2002 PM:
Bare with it!
This guy's car brakes
down and he takes it in to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him that he needs
new gaskets but he can get by for a couple of days by rubbing vasoline on his
engine once every hour. The guy say OK and thanks the mechanic.
That night he goes to dinner at his girlfriends house for the first time. Her
whole family was there grandparents, parents, bro/sisters, even the dog.
The didn't know but they had a rule, that the first person to talk during
dinner had to do the dishes.
About 10 mins into dinner no one is talking and he gets freaked out. So he says
to himself, f_ck this girl and decides to have some fun!
He takes his girlfriend and starts having sex w/ her on the table . . . and no
one says a word!
He then grabs the girlfriend's mother and starts having sex w/ her . . . still,
no one says a word!
He is so pissed that he grabs the grandmother and starts having sex w/ her . .
. NO ONE says a word!
He is outraged and looks at his watch. It was time for him to put vasoline on
his car's engine and whips out a huge tub and places it on the table.
All of a sudden the grandfather says, . . . ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT . . . I'll do the
dishes!
__________________
"It doesn't get any better than this!"
- Old Milwaukee
Posted by lastcastme on 2002 PM:
Joke!
This guy decides to have
a pig roast and to invite his entire family.
He takes a ride out to the country and visits a pig farm.
He tells the farmer he wants the biggest pig he has.
The farmer tells him,all my pigs are big!Pick one out and I will weigh it.The
guy points to this big pig in the corner of the pen.
The farmer picks the pig up and sticks the pigs tail in his mouth,he lets the
pig hang there for a few seconds and tells the guy,this pig weighs 124lbs.6oz..
The guy says,thats impossible to tell how much a pig weighs by hanging it from
your teeth!
The farmer takes the pig and puts it on a scale,124lbs.6oz.on the nose!!The guy
says,thats great!You must be the only person in the world that can do that.
The farmer says,my whole family for generations have been weighing pigs that way.I'll
show you.He calls his son over to the pigpen and tells him to get a pig and
weigh it.
The son picks up one of the pigs and hangs it from his mouth by the tail for a
few seconds and says,115lbs3oz.
The farmer puts the pig on the scale and sure enough,115lbs3oz.on the nose.
The guy says,you two are amazing,I bet nobody else in the world can do that.
The farmer says,my wife can do it too.
He tells the son to go in the house and get his Ma.
The son comes back a few minutes later without the mother.
The farmer says,I told you to get your Ma,where is she?
The son says,she cant come right now,she is busy weighing the
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------MAILMAN------------------------------------------
__________________
------<*(((((><
Fish On !!!!!
Posted by joe pido on 2002 PM:
Nuts..Dustin, cover your eyes....
Q. what do you call two
nuts on a wall?
A. Walnuts
Q. what do you call two nuts on a chest?
A. Chestnuts
Q. what do you call two nuts on a chin?
A. a blo_ _ _ b!
Posted by Bass Rat on 2002 AM:
Joe, only if done correctly!
LOL
__________________
bass,bass,baby!
Posted by JOHN G on 2002 AM:
these are great jokes! Especially the Vaseline one...had me crying with laughter..... JOHN G
Posted by Fisherman680 on 2002 AM:
A new priest at his first
mass was so nervous he could hardley speak. After mass he asked the monsignor
how he had done. The monsignor replaid,"when i am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of vodka beside the glass of water. if i
start to get nervous, i take a sip". so the next sunday he took the
monsignors advice. at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. he procedded to talk up a storm. upon return to his office after mass,
he found the following note on his door:
1) sip the vodka, dont gulp
2)there are 10 commandments not 12
3)there are 12 disciples, not 10
4)jesus was consecrated, not constipated
6)we dont refer to jesus crist as the late jc
5)jacob wagered his donkey, he did not beat his ass
7)the father, son and holy ghost are npt refered to as daddy, son and spook
8)david slew goliath, he didnt kick the shit out of him
9)when david was hit by a rock and knocked of his donkey,dont say he was stoned
off his ass
10)we dont refer to the cross as the big t
11)when jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"take this bread
and eat it, for this is my body" he did not say eat me
12)the virgin marry is not the"mary with the cherry"
13)the recommende grace before a meal is not "rub-a-dub,thanks for the grub,yeagod'
14)next sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at st peters, not a
peter-pulling contest at st taffys
__________________
I once read
" its not the size of the fish the fisherman catchs, its the size of the
lie he tells his buddies"
Posted by Gregg on 2002 PM:
There are these two guys Joe & Bob. Who grow up together and played little league together and all through school played baseball. Eventually both men made the majors and at times even played for the same team. So it was no surprise that later on in life both men wound up at the baseball player old age home. Once there Joe & Bob made a pack that whom ever died first would come back and tell the other one if there is baseball in heaven. Well some years passed and finally Bob died. Not long after that Joe was sitting on the porch rocking in his rocking chair when he heard a voice call to him. “Joe, hey Joe” Bob is that you he said. “Yea Joe remember our deal about baseball in heaven” Joe said Yes. And Bob says “well I have some good news and some bad news” Joe says Tell me the good news first. Well Bob says “the good news is there’s baseball in heaven. There are two leagues it goes all year long and all the old guys are there and playing” So Joe says what’s the bad news. Bob says “You’re pitching tomorrow”
__________________
Gregg